Oh, I was a bit of a lad, I admit.
My past was a trifle shady,
Until in the end I went right round the bend
And married a tattooed lady.
I immediately saw there were pictures galore
Round ev’ry available corner.
As I studied her frame very soon I became
An expert in flora and fauna.
Some things I found out I just won’t talk about;
I find it’s inclined to embarrass.
But I give you my word, though it may sound absurd,
It was just like the Louvre in Paris.
On one of her feet you are liable to meet
A master of hounds in his habit,
And right round her waist in impeccable taste
Was a python devouring a rabbit.
I loved all the ships on one side of her hips,
The view in Peru on the other,
But I was struck dumb when I found on her tum,
A caricature of her Mother.
For this was much more than a man can endure,
Though I made the most earnest endeavor,
So I scuffled away, and I’m happy to say,
It was tat-a-tattoo forever,
Sadly, I haven’t been able to find a version with Paddy Roberts singing it himself, but here an admirer does his best. Can you do better? :>)